


carnations

by aqdanfin



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Highschool AU, M/M, Questioning, Secret Admirer, Sexuality Issues, Valentine's Day, carnations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 04:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19760326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqdanfin/pseuds/aqdanfin
Summary: katya has a secret admirer that happens to be his best friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally posted on my wattpad account, and on artificialqueens under danfin

I sigh and walk to my locker. Math class has me beat. I can't wait for French! It's one of the only classes I enjoy. 

When I open my locker, I see a pink carnation sitting on top of my science book. That means somebody wants to be my Valentine. Who could it be?

Maybe Jason or Justin? They are always hanging out with me. It could be Kurtis, too. He's the therapist of my friend group. He, and I spend a lot of time together.

I smile at the thought of it being Kurtis. If it was, I wouldn't mind. He's such a nice, understanding guy. I would just have to explain to him that I am not ready for a relationship yet.

I grab the carnation and pin it to my shirt - a safety pin came with it, by the way. - I grab the book I will need for my next class and close my locker. I walk to the classroom with my head held high.

.....

After school, Danny, Shane, Justin, Aaron, Willam, and I meet up. We were expecting Brian to join us, but he didn't show up. He probably has a date since he's the hottest guy in our friend group.

"You seriously did it?!" Shane asks Danny. "You picked Roy? Out of all of the other guys and girls in this school?"

"Don't judge me! He's hot..." Danny replies in defense.

"What are you two talking about?" I ask.

"Danny pretty much wasted his Valentine's Day," Shane replies.

"You told me you wouldn't judge me!" Danny exclaims.

"It's called teasing, you dumbass," Willam replies.

"Anyways, he gave his carnation to Roy Haylock," Shane says, "And I've been giving him a hard time about it ever since."

"Because that's what friends are supposed do," Aaron adds.

"Bad friends," Danny replies.

"I got a carnation," I say proudly. I purposely changed the subject. "I think it was from Kurtis."

"Kurtis? As in Kurtis Dam-Mikkelsen?" Justin asks.

"Yes," I reply, "Why?"

"Oh, it's just that he, and Jason are a thing. I don't see why he would give you a carnation," he explains.

"I believe it's the other Brian," Shane says, "He's not here, and he never skips hanging out with us. Even if he had homework. Plus, he's been acting weird around you all week."

"He's always weird, Shane," Danny sighs.

"I know, but he was extremely weird around Brian. He always giggles like crazy around him and his movements are pretty fast," Shane explains.

"He stutters and blushes a lot, too," Justin adds.

"You two are creeping me out," I say, "You two study him like a test subject. That's not right."

"It for research; the research of..." Shane looks at Justin for an answer. Justin just shrugs.

"The research of Brian and Brian," he says.

"You were going to combine our names to make a 'ship name,' weren't you?"

"Yeah," Shane replies.

"You two are nuts. Let's head home," I say.

"Okay," everyone replies.

.....

"How was school, Brian?" Mom asks as soon as I walk through the door.

"It was good," I reply, "I got a carnation for Valentine's Day. I think it's from my best friend."

"Brian Firkus?" she asks.

"Yes..." I reply, "Remember Mom, I'm.... bisexual?" My statement sounds more like a question.

"Brian, there is no need to lie about who you are," Mom says, "You're perfect the way you are."

"Thanks, Mom," I say, "I'm going to go up to my bedroom now."

"Okay. I'll tell you when dinner is ready."

I run up to my room. Deep down inside, I know I'm gay. But I want to be bisexual. I want to be somewhat normal. Being gay is wrong, yet it feels so right. I guess it's time to write more lesbian porn...

......

I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing. I grab it off of my bedside table. I have a text from Brian.

Brian: don't ride the bus. meet me by the tree.

I text him a simple "okay" and get out of bed. It's time to get ready for school. I go over to my closet. I'm thinking of wearing black today. Even if it is going to be 80-90° (Fahrenheit).

......

"What did you need?" I ask Brian as I approach him at the only live tree behind the school. It's the only one that ever gets any sunlight and water.

"I'm glad you asked," he replies, "I was just wondering if you, uh, knew who put that carnation in you locker." 

He looks extremely nervous. He doesn't want to make eye contact with me, and he's blushing really bad. It's a cute look on him. 

"I have an idea," I say, "Do you know who did it?"

He nods and backs away from me. I just step forward. This continues until his back is against the rough bark of the tree. I decide this is a great opportunity to embarrass him.

I stand up my tiptoes and whisper in his ear, "It was you, wasn't it?" (Keep in mind that we are very close friends; this isn't the weirdest thing we, well I have, done.)

I back away from Brian and wait for his response. He bites his bottom lip and keeps his gaze off of me. 

"Don't be embarrassed," I assure him, "It's okay if it was you. I don't really mind."

"I don't want you to see me as a different person, though. No matter what I say, I could disturb you. I don't want to do that," Brian explains.

"Brian, we've been friends since fourth grade. We've been through everything. Middle school crushes, sexuality issues, puberty, you name it! Do you honestly think you being attracted to me in a sexual or romantic way will disturb me?"

"Yeah," he replies. 

I walk closer to him once again and pull him into a hug. He immediately hugs me back. I'm glad he wasn't stiff and/or awkward at first.

"I will never judge, or leave you, Brian. You're my best friend. I love you so much. I need you in my life," I explain to him.

"I need and love you, too," he says, "So... Is that a yes? Or no?"

Should I say yes or no? I mean, Brian is hot. He is my type. But he's my best friend. What if a romantic relationship ruins our friendship?

What do I say?!

"I'll have to think about it. I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet. I'm really struggling with my sexuality. I have some inner homophobia to deal with," I reply.

Brian pulls away from me and smiles. "And I will happily help you discover yourself."


	2. my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katya is sure in his sexuality now, but he and brian may not get together after all.

It has been about two years ever since Brian confessed his feelings for me. In those two years, he really helped me with my sexuality. He helped me become more honest with myself and others. 

And now I'm the one that has feelings for him.

But, he's dating someone now. Someone that I can't stand. Someone that is named Jay.

Jay and Brian used to hate each other, but they soon became friends. Then, they became more than friends. They became boyfriends.

Now I have to tolerate it.

-

"So, Brian, what will you be doing for Valentine's Day?" Justin asks as he sits beside me on the fence that surrounds the school grounds.

"Absolutely nothing," I reply. "I'm single, and not attracted to anyone besides Brian, who is already in a relationship."

"Well, we need to be happy for him anyways. Besides, we could just hang out at my place. My parents will probably be on a date," Justin explains, "I'll have the whole night free!"

"Unless Brian and I miraculously get together, it's a date!" I exclaim.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Get home safely, okay?" Justin says.

"I will," I assure him, "see you tomorrow." 

He waves to me and walks away. I decide to head home as well. Hopefully the walk home will get the terrible thoughts out of my mind.

The terrible thoughts involve Brian's relationship with Jay. I really hope they break up so I have a chance. On the other hand, I want Brian to be happy. That means they would still be together and I wouldn't have a chance with Brian. 

Somebody gets hurt in both plans. That means they're bad, right? 

-

Valentine's Day comes quickly. When I open my locker, I don't have a carnation in it. I wish there was. I wish things were the way they were two years ago.

I look and see Brian and Jay across the hallway. They're really close to each other; there isn't even an inch between the two. They look like they're in an interesting conversation. 

They eventually kiss. I feel like my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I quickly turn away grab the books I need for math class and slam my locker shut. I can't deal with anything else like that today.

"Wait, Brian!" I turn around and see Brian running towards me.

"What?" I reply. I accidentally sounded really rude.

Brian flinches at my harsh reply. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. You seemed hurt back there."

I look down at my feet. "Oh, yeah. I-I kind of was. Seeing you in a relationship hurts because I don't have that, but I want it."

Brian smiles, "Don't worry, you'll get someone one day. I can help you!"

"Really?"

"Definitely. I gotta go to class now, okay?" He turns go leave

"Wait!" I exclaim. He turns around and looks at me with a confused expression.

"You, you don't have to help me. I know who I love," I explain, "but, there's a problem. They're taken. I don't have a chance."

"Brian, anybody would be lucky to have you. You have a chance," Brian suggests. "Who do you love?"

I look into his eyes. "You."

He looks shocked at first. He steps back. "R-Really?" he force out.

"Yes. Wasn't it obvious?" I ask.

"Um, not really. You've been a bit distant lately. I mean, I love you too but-" before he can finish rambling on, I close the gap in between us. I kiss him. On the lips. In front of Jay and the rest of my peers that are in the hallway.

He pushes me away. He looks very surprised and upset. The whole hallway is silent. Then the realization of what I did hits me. Hard.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" I exclaim.

"What the fuck, Brian?" Jay exclaims and immediately gets to Brian's side.

"I-I didn't mean to. I had no control. I'm sorry!" I repeat.

"Save it for later," Jay says firmly. He walks away. Brian gives me a solemn look and follows him.

Jason passes me. "I hate to say it, but you fucked up," he says. I nod slowly.

He's right; I really fucked up.

-

I lean back against the wall of the Valentine's Day dance. I came here in case I had to be someone's shoulder to cry on. Plus, Justin dragged me here since he has a crazy crush on Danny Noriega.

I'm still experiencing the aftermath this afternoon's events. Brian won't talk to me, and Jay and the army of twinks he calls friends are mad at me.

"So you're here alone, too?" I hear Kurtis ask beside me.

"Yeah," I reply, "I thought you and Jason had a thing going on."

"Not anymore. We broke up. It was mutual. He got with Matthew," Kurtis explains. "And since he's happy, I'm happy."

I look at him in shock. "How? You two dated for so long... How can you not be jealous?"

"Well, when you see the person you love the most being happy, you tend to forget your relationship status. You only worry about their happiness," Kurtis replies.

He's absolutely right! When I see Brian being happy, I'm usually in a good mood. On some occasions, I'm happy even though he's with Jay!

"Thank you for the advice," I tell Kurtis, "I really needed that."

"You're welcome," he says.

I look out at the dance floor again. I see that Jay is all alone. Where's Brian? Is he okay?

"I'll be back," I tell Kurtis and he nods.

I push past the crowd and exit the auditorium. I make it outside. I hear someone beside the school. They sound angry.

I walk in the direction of the sound. Sure enough, it's coming from someone beside the school. That someone is Brian.

"Brian," I say quietly.

He looks at me. "What?"

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Well, uh, Jay and I broke up. He said that he didn't want me hanging out with you. So, I told him that the friendship in between you and I matters more to me than any other relationship. He was pissed," Brian explains.

"You left him... For me?" I ask. "But I thought you two loved each other."

"I did love him, but seeing you so miserable because we were together made me pretty sad," Brian replies. "I love you, Brian. Maybe not in a romantic way, but in a platonic friendship way."

"And I love you too," I reply, "in both ways."

"And that's okay. Just control yourself, okay?"

"I'll try."

"That's good enough for me."

"So, friends?" I ask.

"How about, platonic partners?" Brian asks, "We've pretty much always been platonic friends. Let's not change that because of one disagreement."

"Great idea!" I say, "So, wanna go back inside?"

"Nah. Let's go to your house, and watch Friday the 13th," Brian suggests. "Like we did before Jay and I started dating."

"Okay. My parents aren't home," I say. 

"Then let's go!"

I'm sure Kurtis will be okay with the fact that I didn't come back inside. If he isn't, I'll apologize on Monday. That is, if I remember.


End file.
